Playing Nice With Stranger Danger

March 6th, 2011 by

Can’t we all just get along?

That seems to be the question I ask myself every time I fire up a multiplayer game. Verbally assaulting someone over the internet has never been appealing to me.  Despite how little I understand it, there are plenty of people on the internet that will say anything just to get others worked up.

My experiences with these types of people almost always go like this. Some total ‘bro’ will usually make a comment about how my handle (cornlord) must mean that I like to “take it in the cornhole”, “shove corn cobs in random orifices”, or do something else involving corn, my ass, and sodomy.

Thank you very much, 1337H34D5H00T3R 69420. Your insight into the origin of my name is much appreciated.

Unfortunately for us quiet types, most people take the low road when dealing with internet morons like Mr. 69420. For example, whenever I get into a Halo lobby with a few friends and one of these bros starts talking about my cornhole, my buddies’ reactions are to start yelling something about his mother, sister, or girlfriend. Once the game begins they talk about how they “showed that idiot.”

Wow, guys. Thanks for getting my back on that one!

That’s like trying to stop a monkey from throwing feces by taking a dump on him and then high fiving each other for a job well done. They think the monkey is put in his place, but all they’ve done is give him more ammo. He may have stopped flinging if you would have let him get it out of his system.

I do not understand how repeating the “f” word (the homophobic one) 500 times without breathing after entering a lobby can be fun for people. I do not understand what someone gets out of typing racial slurs to the other team after getting killed in League of Legends. I do not understand why a person flying around in World of Warcraft on their level 85 character would want to swoop down out of their way to kill a level 30 player who was just trying to have fun playing a game.

And I will never be able to wrap my mind around the concept of tea bagging, which is the term used to describe the act of placing one’s testicles on a person’s forehead. Seriously dudes…. that’s messed up.

I know there are a ton of people out there just like me. People who want to just sit and play Halo without having someone verbally assault them the entire match. People who want to play World of Warcraft on a PvP server without having their corpse camped for 45 minutes. People who would like to get in a single match of League of Legends without having two people from either team comment about the sexual preferences of the opposing players.

To those of you out there who feel the way I do – ┬ákeep on keep’n on. It sucks sometimes when even your friends are starting to become the assholes that you hate so much. But, if you stick to it and focus on just playing the game, you’ll have a good time. And, if you’re like me, you probably get serious satisfaction out of shutting up some foul mouthed Bieber fan by going 15-0 and wiping the floor with his face.

So there’s always that.

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